Who Knew Heaven Had Internet?
by thecrazierone
Summary: Kenny's been dead for a bit longer than normally and he chats with Cartman via heaven asking for only one thing. To tell Stan and Kyle he misses them. But, why ask Cartman to tell him that when he'll be back tomorrow, right?


**Yet another story inspired by an Omegle chat log. Add this to the list of things I'm doing to avoid doing homework and finishing my other stories. This one isn't really a pairing, but just some random Kenny and Cartman stuff. On a side note, I've gotten a better program to write my stories on, so hopefully there should be less errors. Even with editing I still seem to have an amazingly high amount of them. Enjoy.**

Who Knew Heaven Had Internet?

It had been a while since Cartman had last seen Kenny, he died a few days ago and still hasn't returned. Kenny's death was pretty anticlimactic. Kenny had been running through the hallways to get to his history class, as he was late for it due to him skipping lunch to smoke with the goths. Then, about halfway there, Kenny just collapsed. Just like that. No blood, no skullcrushing, no explosions. Just 'plop'. The medical examiner said his death was caused by long term exposure to environmental toxins, but no one really knows what he was exposed to or how he became exposed. So everyone's just been staying as far away from the McCormicks and their shack of a house like it, well like it was exposed to environmental toxins. While Cartman would never admit it, he began to miss Kenny's presence. Over the years, he and Kenny (and Butters, but Cartman tried to pretend Butters didn't exist unless he was forced to or they were both alone) had grown a very strong bond. Cartman considered Kenny (and Butters to an extent) a friend, but ask him about it and he would deny it. But, it was true. He and Kenny had slept over at each others houses, mostly Kenny going to Cartman's as Cartman hated 'the smell of poor' that he was (and still is) convinced Kenny's house has. They know each others secrets. Cartman knows Kenny was overly protective of his little sister and had once threatened and nearly killed one of her boyfriends when he found out that the guy had been cheating on her with another girl. And that Kenny is an amazing cook and dreams of owning a restaurant (Cartman had laughed at this until he tried some of Kenny's peanut butter cookies, which Cartman calls 'the best damn cookies in the planet' which is saying something since Cartman has had a lot of cookies.) And Kenny knows that Cartman once (during the beginning of his teenage years) had thought about getting a gender reassignment surgery and that Cartman had demanded Butters to make him another Clyde Frog immediately after his first one was destroyed, but Butters had no green fabric so he made it pink. While Cartman was extremely angry, he didn't force Butters sew up another one. To this day, he still sleeps with the pink frog every night. Kenny and Cartman both played video games together, went on the internet to look at scantily clad women, and they both knew each other life goals/wishes/dreams/hopes. The two friends had even planned exactly what they were both going to do after high school. The whole plan was formed on the first day of summer right after their eighth grade year, and the two spent the whole summer perfecting it. By the time the first day of high school rolled around, they had it all planned out and written on Cartman's computer.

Cartman smiled at the memory, sat down at his desk, booted up his computer, and opened up the document. The plan itself was fairly simple, yet drastically complex at the same time. During high school they were going to get small part time jobs and put all the money to Cartman's bank account. Once they finished high school they were going to continue living in South Park until Kenny's sister, Karen, finished high school continuing their part time jobs. Was Karen was finished, the three of them would move off to California and start a small cafe/dinner using the money they both earned to start the business. Kenny would be the chef, Karen the waitress, and Cartman in charge of marketing, finances and the other business stuff. The cafe would double as their home with the business on the bottom floor and the second floor (which would only be accessible to the three, would be there home. Cartman remembered just how much Kenny had persuaded him to go with the plan. Now, in their Junior years with Karen in her Freshmen, they had earned quite a large sum of money towards the cafe/dinner. Karen had even started working at a small clothing store to help earn some money. Cartman stopped reading momentarily to notice someone had messaged him in the chat room he had opened. Curious, he opened the tab.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _hey_

Cartman rolled his eyes at Kenny's childish username and thought to himself about the idea that Kenny might be back alive.

**betterthanu:** _ur alive?_

Cartman bit his lip lightly waiting for a reply.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _nope but i miss u guy_s

"Well that figured," Cartman muttered to himself, "how the hell is Kenny getting internet though?"

**betterthanu:** _how the hell are u getting an internet connection?_

Kenny's reply came fairly quickly.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _heaven has a lot of awesome stuff bro_

"Since when did Kenny go to heaven?" Cartman wondered.

**betterthanu:** _i thought u went to hell_

**betterthanu:** _u know cuz ur poor_

Cartman looked up at the other tabs he had open, one of his short story he needed to do for English, another for his email, the third the chat he had open now, the next one of the instructions for the short story mentioned earlier, and the last of porn. A little 'ding' told him that Kenny had replied.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _it's complex_

"Well that answered nothing." Cartman sighed.

**betterthanu:** _whatever kenny see u at school_

Almost instantaneously Kenny reply came up.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _wait don't go Cartman!_

**futureplaygirlmodel:**_ Please_

Cartman was confused, Kenny normally replied with some sort of sarcastic comment when he was going to leave.

**betterthanu:** _why?_

Cartman tapped his chubby fingers against the desk.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _I.. tell kyle I miss him_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _and Stan right_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _can you do that for me?_

Now Cartman was extremely confused, why did Kenny want him to tell Stan and Kyle he misses him. He's be back in the next few days, right?

**betterthanu:**_ what's in it for me_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _well what do u want?_

What did Cartman want? Cartman leaned back in his chair in deep thought. What did he desire most?

**betterthanu:** _cake_

Yes, cake was the right answer. Moist, delicious cake.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _Yes I can get you lots of cake._

Cartman smiled lightly.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _Yes I'll get you heaven cake, see you tomorrow_

**betterthanu:** _k but you better make sure to have my haven cake_

Cartman licked his lips, which had become dry at the thought of cake.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _what flavour do you want?_

Cartman stroked his chin and looked to the ceiling as if it had the answer written on it.

**betterthanu:** _Angel food cake_

**betterthanu:** _with lots of frosting_

"Mhh, frosting." Cartman thought outloud.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _ok what frosting?_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _vanilla?_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _chocolate?_

**futureplaygirlmodel:**_ coconut?_

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _caramel?_

Cartman shrugged his shoulder before realizing Kenny wasn't actually there to see the act.

**betterthanu:** _I don't care you choose but none of that healthy vegan crap_

Cartman shuttered at the thought, if you're gonna have cake just eat the fucking cake. None of that sugar free, reduced fat, diet shit.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _alright got it_

Even with the promise of cake, Cartman was still confused.

**betterthanu:** _if your gonna be back tomorrow then why do you want me to tell Stan and Jew that you miss them?_

Kenny seemed to take his sweet time answering Cartman's question. Which frustrated Cartman, due to his lack of patience.

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _I know it's just..._

**futureplaygirlmodel:** _just in case you know_

Cartman was still a bit confused, but he shrugged it off.

**betterthanu:** _k kenny see you tomorrow_

**futureplaygirlmodel:**_ ya tomorrow_

And with that, Cartman closed his chat window. After emailing Stan and Kyle Kenny's message, Cartman contemplated his next move. He could get to work on his English assignment or watch porn. Taking less than a minute to decide, Cartman clicked on the porn tab.

**Now, I was thinking of writing a Cartman X Kenny story, about the cafe/dinner thing that I mentioned early in on the story. Would you guys be interested in that? Reviews make my day, so I'd love if you leave one!**


End file.
